


if you're a pretender, come sit by my fire

by Mr_Phich



Series: everyone needs a chance to be small [17]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Babysitter!Thor, Bathing/Washing, Bed-Wetting, Bedtime Routines, Codependency, Daddy!Steve, Diapers, Little!Bucky - Freeform, Non-Sexual Age Play, Separation Anxiety, Sharing a Bed, non-sexual nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7735666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Phich/pseuds/Mr_Phich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky likes routines. He especially likes his bedtime routine with Daddy. It's not so good without Daddy. (The one where Thor babysits.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you're a pretender, come sit by my fire

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for your patience friends! This up outside my usual update window and I know some of you have been anxiously awaiting this story! I hope it lives up to expectation. I forget who specifically asked for more Thor-babysitting, but kudos to you!

 

_ If you are a dreamer, come in, _

_ If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, _

_ A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer… _

_ If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire _

_ For we have some flax-golden tales to spin. _

_ Come in! _

_ Come in! _

_ -Shel Silverstein _

 

Bucky didn’t  _ like  _ when Thor came to visit, but he thought he was getting better at it. Especially now that he’d met everyone else and had even gone to Clint’s all-by-himself. It was just that Thor saw a lot of things that only Daddy and Clint got to see, otherwise, and that was scary and embarrassing. But Bucky tried to be good for Thor because he knew it was important to Daddy. And Daddy was always happy when he came back, he wanted to play with Bucky or cuddle or read or do anything that Bucky wanted to do. 

So when Daddy asked Bucky about spending a little more time with Thor so that he could do some more work, Bucky tried to be brave. They started slowly (because Daddy would  _ never  _ push Bucky too fast) adding fifteen minutes each time until they were up to five whole hours. But then Daddy brought up a really scary idea. 

He wanted Thor to spend the night with Bucky. Bucky stared at Daddy and shook his head so hard he got a little dizzy. He was sitting in Daddy’s lap on the bed, getting some cuddles in before it was time to get ready for bed. 

“I know it’s a scary idea, baby.” But Daddy didn’t know, not really, didn’t know how it felt like all of Bucky’s skin got taken away when Daddy went away, how everything felt louder and scarier and harder and the world was too much and Bucky started to think that maybe they’d come for him again.

“Daddy, please, no.” Bucky whimpered. Daddy sighed and hugged a little tighter and ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair and Bucky hid his face in Daddy’s chest. When Daddy was there they couldn’t get him. They could never get him as long as Daddy stayed with Bucky but now Daddy wanted to leave and Bucky didn’t want him too, he really didn’t. 

“I know, baby, I know.” Daddy whispered. “But you know how we’ve talked about me maybe going on a mission, sometime?” Bucky whimpered and a couple tears slipped down his cheeks. It was scary thinking about Daddy goin’ on missions, because if Daddy went on a mission he could get hurt, he could die, he might never ever come back. Ice trembled and groaned under Bucky’s feet. 

“Yeah,” he mumbled into Daddy’s chest and started looking for his paci. Even though Bucky didn’t say anything, Daddy held up a pacifier in front of Bucky’s lips, cause Daddy always knew what Bucky needed even if Bucky didn’t have the words to say it. The paci made the ice a little quieter, reminded him that he was warm and alive and with Daddy. 

“And we talked about how one thing we could do would be for you to spend the night with Clint?” Bucky nodded. They had talked about that. Bucky didn’t like the idea that Daddy would be away from the tower or on a mission but he liked spending time with his brother and sleeping over at Clint’s was kinda fun. And Clint was almost as safe as Daddy - not  _ as  _ safe, but almost. 

“And that’s a great choice,” Daddy said softly, rubbing Bucky’s back. Bucky leaned into the touch, because it reminded him of where and when he was. “But it won’t work if you’re little, because Clint would probably be little too and you’ll both need someone to look after you, to make sure you get dinner and bath and bedtime stories and tucked in, isn’t that right?”

Bucky sort of nodded, because that was true. It was hard to be big when your brother was little. And if they were both little they needed someone to take care of them. And Bucky needed either Daddy or Thor, just in case he got really sad or really mad and needed someone to help him stay safe. Bucky shivered a little and Daddy squeezed a little harder. 

Daddy kept talking, gently, because he knew this was hard for Bucky, cause Daddy always knew. “So we need to have an option if you need to be little and I think that Thor is the best choice. But I don’t want it to just happen in an emergency, I want us to practice and make sure that everyone feels safe.”

Bucky frowned. He didn’t  _ want  _ to. But he wanted to be brave for Daddy. He couldn’t go save the world anymore, but Daddy could. 

Carefully Bucky put his words together to ask, “I help you make world better?” 

Daddy squeezed him up real tight and Bucky pushed in even closer. 

“Oh baby, yes. You do help me make the world a better place and this is one way you can do that, definitely.”

“I’ll try,” Bucky whimpered. He was scared. Really scared. But he wanted to be good and brave for Daddy, like Clint was. Because Clint went on missions and when he came back Daddy always said how proud he was of Clint and Bucky wanted Daddy to be proud of him too. Bucky knew he couldn’t go on missions - that was too scary, that was too much, but he could be brave so Daddy could go on mission. 

“You’re such a brave boy, ‘roo,” Daddy murmured and Bucky let the rumbling of Daddy’s chest settle his skin and bones. Daddy thought he was brave. Daddy loved him. Things would be okay. 

“Can I hav’a bath?” Bucky asked, peeking up to look at Daddy’s face. Daddy was smiling his proud-love smile and it made Bucky feel good all the way down in his stomach. 

“Of course, baby.” Daddy picked him up and Bucky loosened his grip a little, turning to rest his cheek on Daddy’s chest while Daddy took them into the bathroom. He got out Bucky’s favorite towel, a big fluffy one with frogs on it. Daddy set him down to start the bath water and Bucky leaned down to look at the bucket of bath toys. Clint liked to have all of the toys in the tub, but that was a lot of toys. Bucky would rather pick just a couple and really get to play with them. 

Tonight he picked a little wind up turtle, a plastic dolphin, and a sailboat. He set them carefully, in a neat little line, along the edge of the tub and turned back to Daddy. Daddy was still smiling at him and Bucky grinned back and lifted his arm so Daddy could help him with his shirt. Daddy pulled his shirt all the way off to tickle his ribs and belly and Bucky giggled. Daddy smiled even bigger and helped him step out of his pants and undies. 

“Do you need to potty before getting in the bath?” Daddy asked as he put Bucky’s laundry in the chute. Bucky narrowed his eyes and focused on his body. 

“Yuhuh,” He said, after a minute of paying attention, so he went and peed while Daddy checked the water. Once Bucky was done Daddy lifted him into the warm water. Bucky loved baths. He loved being clean, and he loved the way the water felt on his skin (it wasn’t too hard- it was gentle touching and Bucky loved gentle touching) and he liked that when he twitched his toes the water moved, that Bucky could make the water do so many things without hardly trying. He liked that his body felt light and soft and that it was easier to move. Most of the time everything was hard and sharp and cold and Bucky couldn’t make anything happen, couldn’t even make his words happen or his body move the way he wanted or be brave enough or good enough. The water made him feel like all of those feelings were very far away and that he was in the safest place. 

He liked the way Daddy touched him while he was in the bath too, like Bucky was really special and really loved. He liked the way the washcloth felt on his skin and Daddy’s fingers in his hair and when Daddy rubbed soap into his back. Bucky would stay in the bath all the time if he could. He sighed a little when Daddy went to pull the plug and Daddy gave him a little smile. 

“Sorry, baby. It’s time for bed for little boys.” Bucky sighed again but nodded and let Daddy scoop him out and wrap him in the big warm towel and carry him back into the bedroom to get ready for bed. Bucky really loved bedtime with Daddy. 

*

Steve called Thor up the very next day, while Bucky was still feeling firm about his decision. The whole process wasn’t exactly something Steve was looking forward to, but it was needed. Natasha had been working on intel for a mission for almost four months and the time was coming when they would need to make a move and Steve’s particular skill set was needed. So he had to figure out how to take care of Bucky when he couldn’t physically be there. And as he’d explained to Bucky, they had to have an option beside Clint. Steve hadn’t told Bucky, but he also didn’t want to put the pressure of taking care of Bucky on Clint - Clint was still learning how to take care of himself and Steve refused to overburden his boy in any way. 

So Thor it was. Steve had already spent over an hour on the phone with Thor, explaining the situation. Thor had only been too happy to help and to take part of in a practice run. So Thor came to join them right before dinner the very next day. 

To his surprise, Steve found himself incredibly nervous. Yes, Thor had watched Bucky before, but not overnight, and he’d never watched how Steve did things. It felt intimate and confusing, but Steve pushed those feelings down and away so that he could be strong and steady for Bucky who’d gotten more and more anxious as the day progressed. So much so that by the time Thor arrived, Bucky had refused to get out of Steve’s arms for well over an hour. When Steve opened the door, Bucky clinging tightly to him, Thor chuckled a little. 

“Good evening, my friends!” Thor said in the quiet voice that seemed reserved for Bucky. Steve smiled. 

“Hey Thor. Thanks for coming.”

“Of course! It is always a pleasure to spend time in your company!” Thor replied, smiling. 

“Bucky, can you say hi to Thor, baby?” Bucky peeked his eyes up and quickly met Thor’s kind gaze. 

“Hi,” Bucky whispered around his pacifier. 

“Hello James!” Thor returned, leaning in closer to Bucky’s face, but progressing slowly as to not startle him. Steve felt his knot of nerves loosen at that. Thor was good at this - surprisingly so - and he would take good care of Bucky. “I am looking forward to spending the evening with you and your father! I expect that we shall have a great deal of fun.”

Bucky managed a tiny grin at that and Steve smiled. Alright, they could do this, they really could. He looked up at Thor and said, “I made dinner. I was thinking we could talk everything over while we eat.”

“That is a grand plan!” Thor agreed, clapping Steve on the back and smiling. Steve led them into the kitchen, where he’d already set the table. When Steve tried to set Bucky down in his usual seat, Bucky clung so he sat them down in Steve’s seat. Gently but firmly he turned Bucky so that he was looking out. Bucky sucked a little harder on his pacifier. 

“Serve yourself,” Steve offered as he scooped some spaghetti squash and a couple vegetable kebobs and a large helping of chickpeas onto Bucky’s plate and put it in front of his boy. Thor happily dove in and Steve was glad he’d thought ahead enough to make plenty of extra food for tonight. Once Steve had served himself and Bucky had begun to eat, Steve started right in. 

“So, I’ll always do my best to have a meal ready for the two of you,” Steve beagan. Thor looked up and nodded. 

“I shall never say no to your cooking!” Thor chuckled and Steve grinned. 

“If I can’t, there’s always casserole or lasagna in the freezer. JARVIS can walk you through how to heat it up and all. JARVIS will also let you know how much Bucky should eat. He can’t always tell if he’s full or not, and if he eats too much he’ll get sick and if he eats too little he gets headaches.”

Thor nodded thoughtfully. 

“JARVIS keeps track of his caloric needs and will let you know exactly how much he should eat. Bucky has to eat at least half his plate,” Steve explained and gently ruffled Bucky’s hair. Bucky looked up from spooning the spaghetti squash into his mouth. Steve chuckled - there were strings of squash hanging off Bucky’s chin. He carefully wiped them off. Looking up, he caught an affectionate gaze from Thor and Steve blushed a little and returned his gaze to his own meal. 

“After dinner,” Steve continued, “We usually play for an hour or so. Bucky knows where everything is and is allowed to play with everything but Clint’s spaceship.” Bucky blushed a little at that and leaned a little closer to Steve. Steve gave him a reassuring squeeze. “He’s also allowed 30 minutes of television during the day. JARVIS knows which shows and episodes are okay for Bucky to watch and won’t put anything up that isn’t allowed.” Thor nodded again, reaching out to serve himself some more chickpeas. Steve made a note to add that recipe to his usual rotation with the team.

“Around eight Bucky takes a bath. Usually I bathe him, but he may not be comfortable with you doing that. However, he does need supervision because of his coordination - especially when he’s getting in and out of the tub.” Again, Thor nodded, listening silently and respectfully. “So at the very least, you’ll need to sit in the room with him and help him in and out.”

Bucky whined and shook his head a little, ducking back into Steve’s chest. Steve sighed a little and rubbed Bucky’s back reassuringly. “I know you’d rather he not, buddy, but I need to know you’re going to be safe, okay? I know that’s very private and intimate, but Thor’s got all the same parts you do. You don’t have anything he hasn’t seen before.”

Thor chuckled a little at that and Bucky blushed a little harder, before mumbling, “M’arm, Daddy.”

“Oh.” Steve said, not having thought of that. Bucky had never seemed insecure about it - either with him or with Clint, but there could be any number of reasons for that. “I can see why that might feel hard. How about tonight we can all take a peek at your arm and Thor can ask me any questions he has and we can make sure everyone will be alright with that, hmm?”

“Kay Daddy,” Bucky agreed softly, turning back to his meal. Steve looked up to meet Thor’s gaze. The other man was smiling, a fond and protective look in his eye. Steve smiled back, a little nervous, but confident that they could make it all work. 

“Now, as you know Bucky sometimes has accidents.” Bucky dropped his fork and dove back into Steve, hiding his face and trembling a little. Steve ran a firm hand down Bucky’s narrow back. They’d discussed the need to tell Thor the truth, but that didn’t make it any easier for Bucky. It was a private and embarrassing issue and Steve wished there was someway to avoid it. 

“Yes,” Thor acknowledged. 

“That’s due to the brain damage inflicted on him by HYDRA.” Bucky flinched into Steve and Steve rubbed a little harder. “Essentially, the connections in his brain have been disturbed. He can’t always tell when he has to use the bathroom in the same way that he can’t always tell when he’s hungry.”

“That must be very difficult for you, James.” Thor said kindly. Steve’s heart warmed. While Thor had originally been a practical choice due to the physical demands of caring for Bucky, he had shown himself to be kind, sensitive, and gentle caregiver. Steve was grateful that he had Thor on his team. “Though it is nothing to be ashamed of. Why, even in Asgard I know of many warriors who have suffered in this way.”

Bucky turned slightly, so his face was just barely facing Thor. “Really?”

Thor gave a soft smile and nodded, “Yes.”

“Oh,” Bucky sighed, resting his head back against Steve’s chest and looking thoughtful. Steve shot a grateful glance at Thor who nodded in return. 

“During the day I imagine that Bucky will want to continue to manage any issues as he has so far, though he may also want to take a bath. However, at night Bucky wears a protective garment to keep the bed from getting wet and allow him to sleep through the night.” Bucky blushed and hid again. “However, he needs help getting it on, which is something that you will need to assist him with. Is that something you’re comfortable with?”

“Of course,” Thor said readily, “As long as James is also comfortable and you teach me what I will need to do.”

Steve nodded, feeling a little relieved. It wasn’t that he really expected Thor to balk, but it wasn’t something Steve felt all that comfortable asking. He’d never ask Phil, for example - either for Clint or for Bucky. It was a very intimate interaction, afterall. 

“It may be a bit uncomfortable for everyone at first, but I’m sure that together we can manage that.” Steve said, mostly to reassure himself. “Since I will not be present, Bucky will likely want to wear some of my clothes to bed, which is perfectly fine. I’ll show you where everything is in the bedroom later. Bucky will then want some bedtime stories - he’s allowed as many as can be fit in before nine, which is when the lights go off. Oh! Bucky takes a sleep aid before his bath - I’ll show you where that is. If he doesn’t take it he gets really bad nightmares, so it’s important not to forget. I can have JARVIS remind you and I’ll write this all up too…” Steve trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck a bit ruefully, a flush creeping over his face. 

Thor laughed. “There is nothing to be shamed of in being overly prepared, my friend. I am sure I will appreciate all your efforts.”

Steve quirked a little sheepish smile. 

“Yes, well. It’s a first for me. I want to make sure everything is taken care of,” Steve admitted. Thor just laughed again, nodding. “As I told you over the phone, you’ll need to share a bed with Bucky - he can’t sleep alone.” Thor nodded again, this time more seriously. “He doesn’t usually wake if he’s had his sleep aid. On the off chance he does and needs to be soothed back to sleep, it’s good to have a sippy cup of milk on hand. He’ll have his dolls, so just make sure he can find them. We keep a stash of pacifiers in the bedside table, and that always helps. If he gets really upset you can try to call me or you can call Clint.” Thor smiled a bit sadly, his eyes serious and reflective. “Another bath often helps, too, or you can read a couple stories. I’ll show you where we keep sheets and such, if you need to change the bed linens.” 

“Does everything make sense so far?” Steve asked, taking a moment to scarf down some more of his dinner. 

“I believe so,” Thor said thoughtfully. “However, if I should have need to call Clint...Would not Bucky’s state of mind affect his?” Steve sighed, because Thor was likely right. 

“Yes, it probably will, at least if it’s bad enough that Clint has to come here. There are a couple options if that happens. Phil is comfortable enough that Clint can return to his apartment - but only if Phil is present,” Steve said sternly, fixing Thor with a narrow look. Thor chuckled at his protectiveness and nodded. Steve sighed and ran his hand through his hair, leaving it in disarray. “If Phil isn’t present, Clint will have to stay until he feels big. I’ll talk to Clint about that and if there’s anything in particular we need to discuss for that scenario.”

“That sounds acceptable,” Thor said cheerfully. Easy for him to say, Steve thought. He didn’t know how resistant Clint would be to the idea. But he pushed those worries away for another night. Tonight was about Bucky. 

“Alright then,” Steve continued. “So in the morning - Bucky usually wakes around 6:30. He can change and get ready for the day himself, but you’ll need to pick out clothes for him.” Steve didn’t know why picking clothes out was so difficult for Bucky, but without fail it set off panic, so better to avoid it. “I’ll also try to have a breakfast ready. If not there’s always bagels in the fridge. Bucky likes his with cream cheese. Some fruit on the side will make me happy,” Steve said playfully, ruffling Bucky’s hair as his boy finished off his plate. Thor laughed and nodded. 

“Would you like some more, roo?” Steve asked fondly. Bucky nodded eagerly. 

“Psagetti squash?” He requested, looking up through his lashes and Steve happily scooped another helping onto Bucky’s plate. When he looked up at them, Thor was looking at them curiously. 

“I had thought JARVIS kept track of his consumption…?”

“Oh, um, no, not usually. We’re working on Bucky’s ability to judge for himself. He just gets particularly anxious about food and how much is the right amount around other people - even with Clint, actually, so it’s better to just give him a fixed amount in those cases.”

“Ah, I see.”

“And JARVIS will do the same thing for breakfast and lunch, if you’re still here.” Steve advised and Thor nodded. Steve carefully walked Thor through everything he might need to know for the morning (including Bucky’s meds, which followed breakfast) but Thor was already familiar with how Bucky was during the day, so there was less to cover. 

As Bucky finished up, Steve and Thor packed up the leftovers and cleaned up. The evening passed quietly enough, at least until bedtime. Despite Bucky’s many protests, he actually did enjoy Thor’s presence and the two were quite cute together. Bucky was a little quieter than when it was just Steve and Clint, but he was still actively using his voice and even making requests for certain games or stories. It settled something in Steve to see it. Thor would take good care of Bucky - he didn’t have anything to worry about, really. 

Spotting the time, Steve interrupted Bucky and Thor who were working on a simple puzzle. 

“Hey bud, time for bed.” Bucky sighed a little but didn’t fight. Steve found himself actually looking forward to the day where Bucky would feel confident enough to whine about bedtime or fight eating his vegetables. Thor got up easily and offered a hand to Bucky, tugging him with exaggerated force, sending Bucky stumbling playfully into Steve’s arms. Bucky giggled and Steve gave him a big hug, lifting him up into his arms. He gestured for Thor to follow him into the bedroom. 

“Alrighty, roo. Time for a bath. Is it alright if Thor comes in and sits with us?” Bucky glanced shyly back at Thor, who hunched his frame, trying to look smaller, and painted a soft, gentle, cajoling look on his face. Hesitantly, Bucky nodded. 

“But no touching, right?” Bucky asked. 

“No touching.” Steve assured, carrying Bucky into the bathroom. Thor took a seat by the sink, which was a nice distance away Steve noted. Steve started the water running for the rub before setting Bucky down on his feet. Bucky wavered a little and yawned and Steve carefully steadied him. Steve reached for Bucky’s pills, counting two out into his palm. He filled a small plastic cup with water and turned back to Bucky. Bucky opened his mouth obediently and Steve popped the pills in, quickly holding the cup up so Bucky could wash them down with water. 

“Do you wanna show Thor your shoulder now, baby?” Steve asked gently. Bucky flinched and a hot red flush swept up his face but he nodded. Bucky automatically lifted his arm and Steve tugged the t-shirt up over his head. Steve turned him so Thor could get a better view. 

“It has healed very well,” Thor said softly, getting up and approaching, though he stayed out of touching range. “Indeed, if you look at the scarring I believe it is shaped like a mighty dragon. He must be there to protect you from further harm.” Bucky started and twisted to look at his stump (something he usually avoided at all costs). Steve felt himself choke up a little at the excitement and wonder in Bucky’s face. 

“Really?” Bucky asked, and he looked up at Steve. Steve studied the scarring for a moment and actually did see how some of the toughened skin could be read as a dragon - especially given the pattern and texture of metal underneath.

“Yes, I see it too.”

“Cool.” Bucky whispered and grinned up at both of them. Thor grinned back and shot Steve a little wink. Steve smiled gratefully at his friend. Bucky turned back to Steve, looking a little calmer and more at ease, though he fidgeted and blushed as Steve pulled down his sweats and underwear. 

“Do you need to pee?” Steve asked. Bucky blushed and looked back at Thor, who was pointedly looking the other way. 

“Nuhuh,” Bucky said quickly, without taking the time to check in with his body. Steve frowned a little but didn’t press - there was enough going on as it was. Worst that happened was Bucky’s diaper leaked tonight, and Steve could handle that.

“Alright,” Steve said and lifted Bucky into the tub.

“Daddy! Forgot toys!” Bucky said quickly. Steve huffed a little laugh and pulled the bucket of toys over, letting Bucky take his time picking. Steve carefully set about washing Bucky as his boy started making little sea creature noises to narrate his game.

“Buck can wash up by himself,” Steve said in Thor’s direction. Thor had a fond little smile on his face and looked like he was restraining laughter. Steve knew the feeling - Bucky was, after all, adorable. “For the most part, at least. He sometimes needs help with his hair, but that’s fine to skip when you’re staying with him. If he decides the entire bath is too much, that’s also fine, but it usually helps him calm down for bed. ”

Thor nodded, observing as Steve finished washing Bucky up and joined his game. They splashed playfully and Bucky’s giggles bounced off the tiles of the bathroom. The sound felt good, all the  way in Steve’s bones. Bath finished, Steve wrapped Bucky up in a big fluffy towel and playfully tossed him over his shoulder to carry him into the bedroom. Bucky squealed and squirmed and giggled some more, and Thor let out a loud laugh at the scene. 

Steve carefully tossed Bucky down on the bed, letting the boy bounce. Bucky smiled up at him, eyes wide and innocent and happy, cheeks flushed red from the warmth of the bath and his laughter. Steve swooped in and peppered kisses all over Bucky’s cheeks, sending him into giggles again. Steve pulled back and looked fondly down at Bucky. He was so lucky to have Bucky in his life again. 

Steve turned his attention back to Thor with a grin. Thor was beaming at the pair of them and Steve felt his own smile widen in answer. 

“So, Bucky’s clothes are all in this wardrobe,” Steve said, walking over. He crouched to pull open the bottom drawer. “And the pjs are all in this drawer.” Steve quickly pulled out a t-shirt with a sleepy looking dog printed on the front and a pair of matching pants. “My pjs are in the bottom drawer of the dresser,” Steve said, gesturing to the dresser across the room as he got to his feet. “And like I said, Bucky might want to wear my clothes.”

Thor again nodded, following Steve back over to the bed, where Bucky had calmed and was looking at them with sleepy eyes. Steve put the pajamas down and lifted the top of the storage bench where Steve kept diapering supplies. He beckoned Thor closer. 

“This is where we keep Bucky’s diapers,” a little embarrassed whine came from the bed and Steve reached up and patted Bucky’s ankle reassuringly. Steve pulled a diaper out of the basket where he kept Bucky’s things (Clint’s basket was carefully lidded up up for tonight). Standing up, Steve placed the diaper down with the pjs and closed the bench. He came around the side of the bed and sat down beside Bucky. 

“Hey baby,” Steve said carefully, placing his hand on Bucky’s chest and rubbing a little. “I’d like for Thor to put your diaper on tonight, so he can learn how while I’m here. Would that be okay?” Bucky turned bright red and his eyes watered and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. Steve fidgeted so he could pull a pacifier out of his pocket and offered it to Bucky. Bucky sucked it into his mouth and turned on his side, hiding his face in Steve’s hip. Steve sighed and rubbed circles on Bucky’s back with his palm, looking up at Thor. 

Thor had a thoughtful frown on his face and took several steps closer. “James, I understand that this is something quite private. I promise that I will be careful and respectful. You have no reason to fear me or to expect me to shame you.” Thor said in a careful, gentle voice. 

“I know,” came Bucky’s muffled reply. “But it’s scary.”

“Yes, I imagine so. But your Daddy will be right here and we will do our best to make you feel quite safe, yes?”

There were a couple still minutes. 

“Okay,” Bucky whispered and Steve smiled, shooting Thor another grateful glance. 

“How about I sit right here next to you and I’ll talk Thor through it, okay? I won’t leave your side.”

“Kay,” Bucky murmured again. With a gentle touch, Steve guided Bucky to lay on his back. He reached over Bucky to pull his dolls off the pillow and carefully put them in Bucky’s hand. 

“I’m going to pull you towel up over your hips, okay baby?” Steve said, gently rearranging the towel to expose Bucky’s lower half. Bucky whimpered and hid his red face in his dolls. Steve ran one hand through Bucky’s hair and used the other to hand Thor the diaper. With a couple twists Thor figured out how to unfold it. Steve showed him how he could tell the back from the front. 

“Lift your hips, roo.” Steve ordered softly. Bucky did as he was told, whining helplessly under his breath. Steve’s heart clenched. He hated to do anything that hurt Bucky in anyway, but it was important that Thor be able to do this. Steve turned back to Thor and quickly said, “Slide the back half under his hips, so that the top comes up just over his hip bones.”

Steve watched as Thor did so, an intent and focused expression on his face - the same one he used when Tony or Natasha were teaching him about some new tech. Steve almost laughed at the absurdity of the similarity. Once the diaper was settled, Steve let Bucky know he could put his hips down. 

“Okay, now fold the front part up between his legs,” Steve guided. “Tug it a little so it’s up against his body, yeah, perfect. Now unfold the tapes from the back and use them to tape the front into place. You want it pretty tight - yeah, that’s good.” Thor stepped back as soon as he was done, a light flush covering his cheeks. Steve hoped Thor wasn’t having second thoughts about being able to do this. 

“All done, baby,” Steve said to Bucky, getting up and reaching for Bucky’s pjs. Those were easy to pull into place. As soon as he was dressed Bucky dove under the covers, hiding his face under the quilt. Steve chuckled a little and reached out to pull the quilt down a little. “Hey, no sleeping yet bud, we gotta brush your teeth.” Bucky whined but reached his arm up so Steve could lift him. Steve showed Thor the last couple things he would need in the bathroom as Bucky brushed his teeth before taking them back to bed. With Bucky firmly tucked up under the covers, Steve suggested that they call it a night - Thor had told Bucky stories before, and Bucky was pretty easy to put down once he’d taken his sleep aid. 

Thor agreed and Steve walked him to the door. 

“This isn’t too much, is it?” Steve asked nervously as they paused in the doorway. 

Thor shook his head, sending blond hair flying. “No, of course not. I must say...I am grateful for the opportunity to care for James. To care, truly and without greed, is a wonderful blessing indeed. Thank you for sharing your family with me.” 

Warmth suffused Steve and he grinned. “You are family, Thor.”

Thor smiled a pleased little smile and drew Steve into one of his crushing hugs, mumbling, “Thank you Steven. That means much to me.” Steve hugged back and felt the last of his tension seep away. Thor would take good care of Bucky. Steve could trust in that. 

*

Bucky was scared. Not so scared that the ice got him and he couldn’t think or move or talk or eat or breath, but still scared. Thor was coming to spend the night. Daddy wasn’t actually leaving the tower this time, cause it was still just practice and Daddy would be right upstairs if Bucky needed him but it was still really scary. 

Thor was gonna give him dinner and his bath and put his diaper on and read his bedtime stories and sleep in Daddy’s bed and Bucky didn’t  _ want  _ him. He wanted Daddy. He only ever wanted Daddy (well, sometimes he wanted Clint, but that was different wanting). Bucky’d been so scared and little all day that he hadn’t been able to eat his snack and Daddy had to hold him safe for a while. Daddy was looking kinda nervous as he let Thor in and Bucky tried to be a little braver, because he wanted to be brave and good for his Daddy. He really, really did. 

Bucky took five big, deep breaths while Daddy went over to let Thor in. He wasn’t gonna cry, he wasn’t. He sucked a little harder on his pacifier. Daddy came over to him and leaned down to look him straight in the eyes. 

“Okay baby,” Daddy said, all soft and gentle, “I’m gonna go now. Thor’s gonna take real good care of you.”

Bucky felt tears pushing up in his eyes and he felt really sad and really little. He didn’t usually feel this little except if Clint was feeling real little, because Bucky was always littler than Clint cause Clint could show him how to do things and help him and Bucky couldn’t mess up if he was the littlest one. But now he was feeling really little and he needed Daddy more but Daddy was leaving. 

Daddy pressed a kiss on his forehead and Bucky leaned into and hoped it would never ever end, but then Daddy was pulling back and saying goodbye again and then Bucky was crying and crying. He wanted his Daddy. He hadn’t cried this much when Daddy left in a long time, but that was different, cause Daddy was always coming right back but now Daddy wouldn’t be back until the morning and Bucky would have to sleep without him and wake up without him. Thor sat down next to Bucky and put one of his big arms around him and pulled him closer and Bucky cried a little harder. 

He turned and buried his face in Thor’s chest. He wasn’t Daddy, but it was better than being alone. And even though it was really scary that Daddy was leaving for such a long time, Bucky knew that Thor was safe. Thor had never ever hurt him, not once. It was scary and sad but safe. 

“Shall I tell you a story, little one?” Bucky couldn’t stop crying so he just nodded into Thor’s chest. Thor told stories about growing up on Asgard and all of his adventures and Bucky really liked those stories and he just needed to try not to think about Daddy. He listened as hard as he could to Thor’s voice. Thor’s voice wasn’t the same as Daddy’s, but it was deep and it rumbled in his chest and it was gentle just like Daddy’s voice. Bucky sucked on his pacifier and tried to focus on the things he could feel with his body. It helped remind him of where he was. It wasn’t as good as Daddy, but it helped some. 

Thor told stories for a long time, until Bucky had cried all his tears.

“That’s it, James. It will all be well. Now, it is time for supper.” Thor picked him up and Bucky jerked a little. Thor had never held him like this before. He sat stiffly in Thor’s arms as Thor carried him into the kitchen. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Thor carrying him. Only Daddy did that. Thor put Bucky down in a chair and Bucky watched as Thor pulled out two plates from the fridge. Daddy had made spaghetti special for tonight and already measured it out and everything. Bucky’s stomach clenched. 

After Thor had heated the pasta up he put the smaller plate in front of Bucky and handed him a fork. Bucky stared at his pasta for a couple minutes. He didn’t feel very hungry but he knew he had to eat. Carefully he took a small bite, watching as Thor ate too. He was smiling and making silly slurping noises around his spaghetti. 

“Have psaghetti on Asgard?” Bucky asked, real quietly. But, like Daddy, Thor had really good hearing and could always hear when Bucky said things, even if he couldn’t make them loud. 

“Nay! This fine food is just one example of the genius of midgardians!” Thor winked at him and sucked up a long string of spaghetti. The end flicked up and hit Thor’s nose. Bucky giggled and then clapped his hand over his mouth, worried he’d make Thor mad. But Thor just chuckled and used his napkin to wipe off his noise. 

“Did you know,” Thor asked, “That there is a creature on Asgard who can only suck their food? They have no teeth to chew!” 

Bucky shook his head, eyes wide with wonder. He loved hearing about the animals that lived on Asgard. Without thinking, he took another bite of his pasta, listening intently to Thor’s stories. 

*

Bucky almost (almost) forgot that Thor was spending the night while they were playing. Thor helped him build houses out of legos and they put Bucky’s dolls in the houses and came up with stories for all the different families. Sometimes, when Bucky said a sad or bad thing had happened to a doll, Thor would bring the police or hero dolls and help the sad doll feel better or the mad doll feel calm. Bucky was having fun. Thor was always fun to play with. Thor made funny voices for all the different characters or pretended that one of the doll families had a pet goat named Alfie or that one of the families were actually fairies and they were tryin’ to keep it secret. 

He was pretty silly. 

But then Thor looked at the clock and said, “James, it’s time to prepare for bed, little one.”

Bucky stiffened up all over and he shook his head really hard. He didn’t want to go to bed with Thor. He wanted  _ Daddy _ . He needed his Daddy. 

“Want Daddy!” Bucky said. Thor looked down at him and his eyes were sad and soft and they made Bucky want to cry but also to scream. 

“I know, little one, I know you do. And your Daddy will be here in the morning to make you breakfast.”

“No!” Bucky screamed. He tossed the closest doll at Thor and then he flinched back because he hadn’t meant to be bad but he needed his Daddy and Thor wasn’t getting his Daddy and Bucky needed him to come home. Thor kneeled right in front of him and Bucky got a little scared. He’d never seen Thor mad but Thor was really big and he could hurt Bucky really bad if he wanted. He could hit and cut and - 

“Little one, you musn’t throw things. If you are feeling angry, what can you do?” Bucky’s thoughts scrambled. He couldn’t remember. He was just - he was angry and scared. He was mad cause Daddy had left him here and he was mad because Thor wasn’t gonna call Daddy and he was mad cause he needed Daddy so much and he was mad because he was tired and he wanted to take a bath, but he didn’t want to with Thor and  _ he couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do when he was angry.  _

Bucky shook his head, breath all tight and squeaky. He wanted to be  _ good _ . He didn’t want to be  _ bad.  _ If he was bad he wouldn’t be able to earn any stars tomorrow at all and he was saving up so he could watch a movie with Clint and he - he - needed help.

“It is alright if you don’t remember,” Thor said and his words were just like Daddy’s because Daddy had taught him the right words to say and the things that Bucky could do. They’d figured those things out with Annie. “I will choose an option for you. Take ten long breaths, little one.” Bucky did as he was told and Thor stood up and brought him some playdoh and a plastic mat. Bucky squished and hit and squeezed and ripped the playdoh and listened to Thor breathing until his body was shaking and all the mad feelings had drained out his fingers and toes. He felt really tired and a little sad. Tears pooled up in his eyes and fell down his cheeks. 

“M’sorry,” He whispered to Thor. Thor smiled, but looked a little sad. 

“It is quite alright, James. This is a very difficult evening. Are you feeling up to bathing? Perhaps that would help.” 

Bucky thought. His insides squirmed in embarrassment thinking about Thor looking and helping and touching, but his body felt all far away and loose and floppy and he knew the bath would help. He nodded, but a couple more tears fell down his face. 

Thor picked him up again and Bucky was too tired to feel bad about that so he just leaned closer. Thor carried him all the way to the bathroom, where he set him down carefully. Bucky watched as Thor started the water, double checking the temperature twice (Daddy only needed to check once). And then Thor bustled around the sink, getting Bucky’s pills and some water. Thor handed him the pills and Bucky really, really wanted his Daddy. Cause Daddy always put the pills right in Bucky’s mouth because sometimes Bucky dropped them and lost them and felt bad, even though Daddy said he didn’t need to. Bucky was extra super careful when he took the pills and put them in his mouth and when he held the water glass. He still spilled some water down his front though. 

“Would you like me to help you undress?” Thor offered. Bucky blushed and shook his head. He wasn’t big, but he could still do things by himself, he could. He didn’t  _ need  _ anyone’s help, he just  _ liked _ getting Daddy’s help. 

“Turn ‘round,” Bucky said and Thor did. His pants and underwear were easy, but the shirt was hard. Bucky got a little tangled and almost fell over, but he finally got it off too. Bucky braced his hand on the wall and started to climb into the tub. It felt weird and he started to slip and his stomach dropped and he was gonna fall - but Thor caught him around the ribs and gently lowered him into the water. Bucky blushed and stared at the water, glancing at Thor out of the corner of his eye. Thor turned around again so Bucky looked up and reached for a washcloth. It was weird to wash himself when he was little. Even when he was big, Steve helped most of the time, but Bucky had never washed himself when he was little. He tried to do it just like Daddy did it, but it wasn’t the same. He thought about washing his hair, but thinking about getting his head wet made him tremble and feel really afraid. (He didn’t think about why). For a long time he just sat in the water. If he closed his eyes he could pretend Daddy was right there, just letting Bucky be quiet like he sometimes needed. But the water started to get cold and he started shivering. 

“All done,” Bucky told Thor. Thor stood up and turned around, holding a big towel out in front of him. Thor kept his eyes on Bucky’s face as Bucky carefully stood up and stepped out and into the towel. Thor wrapped him up, but not the same way as Daddy did and the tears came back. Thor carefully wiped them away. 

“Come, little one. Let us prepare for sleep.” Bucky blushed and shuffled after Thor. He went and lay on the bed and got his dolls and closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was far, far away. He started to cry harder and his face itched with the tears and he wanted his paci and he wanted his Daddy and he wanted his Clint. Suddenly the familiar rubber of his paci was pressed up against his lips. Bucky opened his eyes and his mouth at the same time. Thor was holding out the pacifier, looking all soft and maybe protective. Bucky muffled his crying around his pacifier and closed his eyes again.

“I am going to move your towel now,” Thor said. His voice was very quiet and calm and Bucky tried to feel calm too. Instead he felt embarrassed and scared and sad. He didn’t even like Daddy putting on his diapers. He was big and he shouldn’t need them and he shouldn’t wet the bed and Thor shouldn’t have to do this - Thor shouldn’t have to babysit at all. Bucky’s cries turned into sobs as Thor pushed up the towel. He heard the rustling of the diaper and then Thor asked him to lift up. Bucky did and tried to pretend that this was Daddy, who always acted like it was no big deal, who never minded or got upset when Bucky had accidents, who never said a mean thing, ever, and always told him he loved him and...Bucky really wanted his Daddy. As soon as his diaper was all the way on, Bucky turned on his side, hiding his face in the covers. He took a deep breath. They smelled like Daddy and Clint and bedtime and books and clean laundry. 

“Sit up, little one,” Thor ordered softly. “I have some of your father’s clothing for you to wear.” Bucky did as he was told and sat up slowly, looking at the clothes Thor had picked out. There was big blue t-shirt, which Thor slipped over his head. Bucky wiggled until his arm came out the right hole. And then there were a pair of Daddy’s pajamas pants and Bucky got off the bed to step into them. The clothes were warm and soft and almost felt like Daddy was giving him a little hug, but it wasn’t enough. He needed his Daddy. Bucky cried all the way through brushing his teeth. 

Thor read him one story and Bucky cried through that too. Thor lay on his side next to Bucky, not on his back like Daddy did. He talked quietly but Bucky couldn’t make sense of the words. He was tired and he wanted his Daddy and if he went to sleep it would be morning and Daddy would be there. 

Bucky closed his eyes and fell asleep. 

* 

Bucky woke up a couple times in the night. 

The first time was really scary cause he didn’t know where he was or who he was and Daddy wasn’t there, and Bucky couldn’t remember who Thor was at first and he cried and he cried and Thor sounded kinda scared too and tried to give him his milk but Bucky didn’t want it he wanted Daddy he was so scared and everything was dark and confusing and he  _ didn’t know where he was _ . 

JARVIS played a recording of Daddy singing and Bucky cried himself back to sleep. 

*

The second time it wasn’t so scary. It was cause Thor  _ snored _ . Bucky had never slept with someone who snored before. Daddy made little wheezy breaths and Clint snuffled and sometimes talked in his sleep, but Bucky was used to those. He wasn’t used to the snoring. 

It wasn’t loud. It was just different. Bucky sat up a little bit and watched Thor sleep. Daddy woke right up when Bucky did, but Thor didn’t. He stayed asleep. Bucky wanted it to be Daddy cause he kinda sorta needed his diaper changed and there was no way he was gonna tell Thor that and he definitely wasn’t gonna wake Thor up to get help. 

It was harder to fall asleep that time. 

*

The next time he woke up Daddy was there.  _ Daddy was there! _ Bucky launched up and threw his arm around Daddy and pushed in real close. 

“Daddy!”

Daddy sort of chuckled. Bucky just hugged tighter. 

“I thought you weren’t comin’ back til breakfast,” Bucky mumbled into Daddy’s neck. Daddy smelled good. Right. Bucky was  _ home  _ and he was  _ safe  _ and Daddy had come back for him. 

“Missed my boy too much,” Daddy replied. “Couldn’t wait another minute.”

That made Bucky’s insides squirm with happiness. He wiggled forward on his bum til Daddy picked him up and put him in Daddy’s lap. Bucky sighed, happy all the way to his toes, and pressed even closer. 

“Did you have a good time with Thor?” Bucky kinda shrugged and looked up over Daddy’s shoulder for Thor. He didn’t wanna make Thor feel bad. 

“He’s making some coffee,” Daddy explained. “You slept in all the way til 7!” 

“Was sleepy,” Bucky said. “Woke up last night.”

“Oh?” Daddy sounded worried. Bucky usually woke up only cause of nightmares. 

“Uhuh. One time was scary,” Bucky shuddered and Daddy hugged him a little tighter and pressed a kiss into Bucky’s hair. “Second cause Thor  _ snores _ .” Bucky put all of how weird he thought that was into his voice and Daddy laughed, big and bright, sending Bucky bouncing. Which reminded him, “Was hard to get back to sleep.”

“Because of the noise?” Daddy asked.

Bucky blushed and wiggled a little. His diaper was really icky this morning, cold and soggy and he wanted it off. “Nuh. Was wet.”

“Oh.” Daddy said and stood up. “Well, we can do something about that now.” Daddy lay Bucky down on the bed and Bucky stared up at him. He wanted to make sure that Daddy was exactly the same as he’d been last night. “But, Bucky, baby, you can ask Thor to help you with that.” Bucky blushed and shrugged, turning his head to the side. 

“Hey, look at me, roo.” Bucky did, because it was Daddy. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And Thor is here to help you, okay? It’s not good to sit in a wet diaper all night.”

Bucky shrugged again. He knew that, but he couldn’t get rashes like Clint did so it wasn’t really a big deal. Daddy sighed a little and started to pull Bucky’s pants down. Bucky pressed up a little to help. He didn’t wanna get in a fight with Daddy right now. 

“M’sorry Daddy.” Daddy smiled at him and reached to undo his diaper. 

“It’s okay bud. I know this is all new. We’ll figure it out, hmm?” Bucky nodded. Daddy started wiping him clean and Bucky shivered a little bit. “Almost done,” Daddy promised. A minute later he was pulling undies up Bucky’s legs and then his pants. As soon as Daddy was done Bucky held up his arm. He really needed Daddy to hold him. 

Daddy lifted him up and kissed his cheek. Bucky rested his head on Daddy’s shoulder. This felt a lot better than Thor carrying him. 

“Didya really miss me?” Bucky asked as Daddy carried him out to the living room. 

“Of course I did,” Daddy assured. 

“I missed you too.” Bucky said. He didn’t have words (no one had words) for how much he’d missed Daddy. “But you came back.”

“I promised,” Daddy said. Bucky hmmed his agreement and snuggled closer.

 

_ fin.  _

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for taking the time to read, kudo, and comment! It means the world to me that you do! I'm still running (way) behind on replying to comments, but I read each and every one and they mean the world to me! In between updates, you can find me over on [tumblr!](https://imdefinitelyyourcat.tumblr.com/) If you missed it, last week I posted a quick [guide](https://imdefinitelyyourcat.tumblr.com/post/148461140089/buckys-quick-and-easy-guide-to-asl) to the ASL used in this verse.


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